Your May Horoscope: Week III

Primrose and I are on an all expenses paid trip to Kauai (#blogperks). It is so nice to be tanning by the pools of our expensive hotel and drinking out of coconuts! Honestly we work so hard sometimes that is difficult to relax, but I think we’re doing an okay job so far 😉

And let me tell  you, the stars at night are so out of control- they sing praises of what is to come!

 Aries:

Dip your toes in the pool and let the waves of relaxation roll over you. If it’s a salt water pool you’ll have a great day, if it’s a chlorine pool you are so screwed.

Taurus:

A slice of banana bread needs to have a solid banana to bread ratio. If you have any doubts ask your server.

Gemini:

Try smiling at someone new today- it’s amazing how ready strangers are to tell you that there is spinach in your teeth.

Cancer:

The ocean may seem wide when you stare at it from the top of the mountain but once you get down to it, it’s only as wide as your imagination. (However if it really doesn’t look that wide you should get your eyes checked).

Libra:

Don’t give up on a friend just because they robbed you.

Scorpio:

When you take a chance you’re allowing the power of the universe to lead you. Do not trust it. The universe is seriously out to get you.

Pisces:

It will be a good omen if the lines at the supermarket are short today. Just don’t buy that off brand of peanut butter- it’s worth the extra dollar to get the good stuff.

Leo:

Ask you shall receive, but just know you’re being a needy bitch.

Aquarius:

Now is the time to invest in Des Geulasse stock.

Sagittarius:

Give up on getting that bonus at work. Your boss knows about the pens.

Virgo:

Let the sandy beach be your escape from prison.

Capricorn:

You are never too young to become a cat lady. Just look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Patrick
    May 26, 2017 at 11:24 am

    I’m a Virgo and I just got out of prison, this is great advice.

  • Reply
    Nina
    May 26, 2017 at 11:27 am

    Love love love as always!!

  • Reply
    KEYLA
    May 26, 2017 at 11:43 am

    Love this!!!
    Haha, Leo is funny 🙂

  • Reply
    Cindy Elena
    May 30, 2017 at 3:17 pm

    yooo the universe is out to get me! What did I ever do to the universe? Likkkeeeee??’
    haha
    xo | Cindy Elena
    http://www.boringclothes.com

  • Reply
    Tiffany Lea Zimmermann
    May 30, 2017 at 9:03 pm

    this is really cool! thank you!!
    Love, Tiff Lea
    https://zimmylifestyle.com

  • Reply
    Ann-Marie
    May 31, 2017 at 4:50 am

    Hahaha this is such an adorable horoscope! How interesting to read!
    http://theoraclejournal.net

  • Reply
    Mildo
    June 1, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    Phyllis can you recommend a good way for me to get my horoscope? My parents never celebrated my birthday and refused to tell me my real birthdate, even when I offered to pay off all of my debts to them. They would just say, “show us the money honey, or get out of our assisted living center.” I usually just tell people my birthday is on Christmas because then they won’t feel uncomfortable giving me presents!

    • Reply
      Phyllis
      June 2, 2017 at 9:25 am

      Hi Mildo, it sounds to me like you need to take the Des Geulasse “What Sign am I?” Horoscopic Quiz. I’ll be sure to send it over to you. Xo!

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