Your January Horoscope: Week I

It’s been a while since the glorious stars have spoken, but last night they called out to me with their power and influence (or it could have been the five Meatinis I had just consumed…). With so many planets on the rotation right now, I think it’s safe to say that 2017 is off to a good start. Curious about your future? Read on!

Aries:

Don’t fear the monsters in your closet. You’ll soon find out its just your weird neighbor. 

Taurus:

Love isn’t something that will come falling from the sky. If you want it you have to work for it. Take the job at the mortuary, work hard, find love.

Gemini:

Fear is in the eye of the beholder.

Cancer:

 The New Year may have you believing that all good things will come to pass, but you should know better by now. You won’t win the lottery this month. Or next month.

Libra:

Get out your snowshoes!

Scorpio:

Stripes are THE pattern for Leo this month. Try stripes on stripes or just plain stripes to really impress your colleagues.

Pisces:

You should learn to swim sooner rather than later. A fish out of water is like a dried piece of seaweed: tastes great but looks terrible.

Aquarius:

Stop letting the position of Mercury define your life. You’re much more of a Jupiter girl anyways.

Sagittarius:

I’m amazed you made it through another year.

Virgo:

With your New Year’s Resolution to read more, it’s imperative you check back on Des Geulasse next week for a new book review (our best one yet).

Capricorn:

If you have the cash on hand, buy a new car or a Gucci purse. It’s about quality, not quantity. Well… if you have enough cash to afford quality and quantity you should do that as well.

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6 Comments

  • Reply
    Nina
    January 13, 2017 at 10:14 am

    Scary accurate, as always!

  • Reply
    Roxanne L
    January 13, 2017 at 10:14 am

    I’m an Aries and I totally 100% agree. Great post!

  • Reply
    Ingrid
    January 13, 2017 at 10:15 am

    LOL! Aries here, this literally just happened to me last night!!! SO CRAZY! Love the blog!

    xo darlings,
    Ingrid

  • Reply
    Grandma
    January 14, 2017 at 11:33 am

    If I had cash I wouldn’t buy a purse, I would be paying off your student loans because you clearly won’t do it yourself. I can’t believe I leveraged the house on your schooling. I’m very disappointed at you Brittany.

    • Reply
      Grandma
      January 14, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Sorry Phyllis i mixed you up with your cousin Brittany. You can spend your money as you want dear, you’re not debter.

      • Reply
        Phyllis
        January 16, 2017 at 3:18 pm

        Hi Grandma, glad to see you’re still alive! Speaking of money Primrose says the check you sent her for her birthday bounced, pls resend when you have a moment 🙂
        xo
        Phyllis

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