Your February Horoscope: Week I

It’s my favorite time of the week: a post about how the stars whisper to me from the shadows and pass on their weekly fortunes.

Spoiler alert: some of our readers are in for an amazing Sunday.


Big plans for the weekend often lead to bigger disappointments. Try not to schedule anything, just let it happen. 


When the planets align in your favor, great things can be accomplished. This won’t be happening anytime soon, but it’s nice to know.


Pour yourself a beer and celebrate another week of successfully avoiding your ex-wife.


The weather will reflect your mood this weekend so be careful how you let yourself feel. You might end up causing a thunderstorm that destroys homes and floods streets.


The end table you wanted to purchase is going to be sold out soon.


Nail polish isn’t just for your nails. Try painting your living room walls with your fave color- you’ll be pleasantly surprised.


Be careful around people you don’t know. Strangers may hold the key to all the world’s knowledge… but they may also be serial killers in disguise.


The Falcons will absolutely beat the Patriots this weekend.


You should have used hairspray.


Socks and sandals are finally in style again. Time to get yourself to the beach!


The tattoo you were thinking about getting is an okay choice, but you could probably do better.

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  • Reply
    Nicole Mai
    February 3, 2017 at 12:36 pm

    great post! i’m taurus haha

    xx Nicole –

    • Reply
      February 4, 2017 at 12:04 pm

      Don’t worry, Nicole- I sense the planets will align in a few months! Thanks for reading 😉

  • Reply
    February 15, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    Phyllis I hate to do this, but can I borrow some money? Please send it to Santa Monica Police Department, 333 Olympic Dr, Santa Monica, CA 90401 c/o Mildo

    I need $1500 for bail as soon as possible

    Don’t worry too much, someone framed me again!!!! Probably my recently passed husband’s mother again, she has always been jealous of me!!

    • Reply
      February 16, 2017 at 9:18 am

      Hi Mildo, so sorry to hear you’re in jail again!!! I don’t have too much time today to help though, sorry 🙁 maybe next time!!


      • Reply
        February 16, 2017 at 12:05 pm

        Hi Phyllis,

        It’s ok – I understand. I was actually able to sneak out (again) using a grenade that I hid EXTREMELY well.

        Your “stalker” (C’s words, not mine),

        • Reply
          February 16, 2017 at 8:33 pm

          Sounds great, good for you, Mildo!

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