Your August Horoscope: Week I

Aries:

One word: Spray Tan

Taurus:

If you feel your path in life is leading you elsewhere, try following it blindly. It might not be a beautiful path, but you’ll be blind so it won’t matter.

Gemini:

The stars can’t stop aligning for you: it’s about time you take advantage of their plasma.

Cancer:

Why limit yourself to one piece of life’s pie when there’s an entire wheel of provolone around the corner?

Libra:

Love is what you make of it, so get out your drawing pens and create your perfect SO. If you pray hard enough they might come alive for you.

Leo:

If you don’t stop for a break every once in a while you’ll wear yourself down. Sometimes all a human needs is a weekend away and a little of this.

Scorpio:

Just because it’s on the internet doesn’t mean it’s true.

Pisces:

Head out to a bar this weekend, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to act normal when you’re surrounded by drunk people.

Aquarius:

If your heart is telling you to stop running, it might be time to listen. Sometimes cardiovascular activity can be too strenuous.

Sagittarius:

Try calling your mom this weekend, I bet she’s the only one who still cares about you.

Virgo:

A raise is just around the corner, all you have to do is demand it vehemently.

Capricorn:

Passion is what makes us human. Passionfruit is what keeps us alive when stranded on a desert island with nothing but passionfruit.

Photo from the National Archives 594342

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4 Comments

  • Reply
    Lisa Anne
    August 5, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    I’m planning a visit to Hawaii, I’ll make sure to learn what a passion fruit looks like. Thanks for the tip!!

  • Reply
    Hana
    August 5, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    Your horoscopes are always so on point. Such an Aries.

  • Reply
    Lara Rose
    August 7, 2016 at 9:51 am

    Great post! Thanks for mine! Lovely blog you have

    xx

  • Reply
    Tami
    August 15, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    WOW I love provolone! LOL!

  • Leave a Reply