The Week Before That’s Before That’s Before That’s Horoscopes

July 20-26 ||

Not sure what kind of person you want to be this week? Look no further than the heavens above you the blog before you.


When you look in the mirror you can’t help but feel good about yourself.


That puppy you saw at the store yesterday was, actually, calling your name. Go back and get it.


It’s time to make a few changes in your life. The first will be to stop trusting horoscopes.


Books are not your friend this weekend. The written word can often be riddled with satanic undertones.


Try something new tonight. This can include- but is not limited to- drag racing, parkour, or dressage.


Stop questioning your friends. If they say something is good for you they probably know best. Maybe.


While others around you are planning for marriage and kids, you have something more important in mind. Just don’t forget that alibi.


This is the weekend to sell your car to your neighbor.


Children under the age of 5 will pose a significant threat to you tomorrow. Beware.


While you may feel you are doing the right thing, chances are you probably aren’t.


It’s time to let go of your past grudges. Just because your friend slept with your boyfriend doesn’t mean you should ignore her forever.


A bird in the hand is worth $50 if you’re selling to the right people. Don’t be afraid to barter.

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