The Week Before That’s Before That’s Horoscopes

July 20-26 ||

Not sure what kind of person you want to be this week? Look no further than the heavens above you the blog before you.

Aries:

When you look in the mirror you can’t help but feel good about yourself.

Taurus:

That puppy you saw at the store yesterday was, actually, calling your name. Go back and get it.

Gemini:

It’s time to make a few changes in your life. The first will be to stop trusting horoscopes.

Cancer:

Books are not your friend this weekend. The written word can often be riddled with satanic undertones.

Libra:

Try something new tonight. This can include- but is not limited to- drag racing, parkour, or dressage.

Leo:

Stop questioning your friends. If they say something is good for you they probably know best. Maybe.

Scorpio:

While others around you are planning for marriage and kids, you have something more important in mind. Just don’t forget that alibi.

Pisces:

This is the weekend to sell your car to your neighbor.

Aquarius:

Children under the age of 5 will pose a significant threat to you tomorrow. Beware.

Sagittarius:

While you may feel you are doing the right thing, chances are you probably aren’t.

Virgo:

It’s time to let go of your past grudges. Just because your friend slept with your boyfriend doesn’t mean you should ignore her forever.

Capricorn:

A bird in the hand is worth $50 if you’re selling to the right people. Don’t be afraid to barter.

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